One day I had just finished washing my car. It was a little earlier than I usually turn on but I decided to turn on anyway. I thought, maybe I could get something quick. Usually that early in the morning it’s pretty quiet and normally it doesn’t make any sense.
I wanted to head to Salt Lake and I thought in the back of my mind maybe I could catch something that way. As I started to drive up by McDonald’s I got a ride. It was Lehi to which is on the way to Salt Lake so I was pretty excited. I had to go over by the Lakeridge stake center in Orem to pick her up. I was taking her to her job in Lehi
It was a pretty interesting feeling when I saw her. I felt like I’d had her in my car before or had known her from somewhere before but I quickly decided that wasn’t the case. The spirit was saying that she wasn’t happy with her life and that she was contemplating her membership in the church. I previewed that she had some serious questions about how things are in the church and that she was a returned missionary but very unsatisfied about her mission.
These were just my impressions and I hadn’t confirmed any of them with her and she hadn’t said anything yet. I asked her where she was from and she said Ogden and then I said, you went on a mission, didn’t you? She said that she had served a mission and asked me how I knew. I said, when I look at you, I just think, that girl was a sister missionary. She said, thank you. I didn’t think people could see that in me.
I said, I could because I think the spirit has helped me know that. I asked her if I could tell her a story or two. She said that would be great and I decided to share a couple of specific stories. The first one was from my mission.
I shared with her that my mission started as a normal mission. I was called to a two-year mission but we ended up spending over 12 weeks in the MTC when we were only supposed to be there for eight. We were very frustrated because we felt like we were just spinning our wheels. I talked to her about how excited I was when I got to Argentina but three months later Argentina and Britain got into a war.
Because of this war, we had to sit in our apartments with our bags packed every day. I lost about three months of my mission sitting in my apartment and dodging angry members who looked at us as spies in the town where I served.
Simultaneous with the beginning of the war was a general conference where we found out that the church had changed missions from 24 months to 18 months. This was devastating news and none of us were happy. I hadn’t been out a full year so I didn’t get a choice. I had to come home at 18 months and I had to sit in that apartment and watch my time tick away.
Once the war was over and tempers had cooled, we were able to resume regular proselytizing and start our missions up all over again. We were blessed with a lot of success and I got transferred to another town where I felt a tremendous urgency. Unfortunately, within a month, I fell sick as well. I was sick in the hospital for two weeks and in the mission home for another month and a half.
For those who are counting that’s one month lost in the MTC, six months lost in that general conference, three months lost to the war and another two and months lost to being sick. When you count the normal two months of MTC as non-proselytizing, I figured that I was a missionary for only 9 months of what originally was a 24 month call.
I worked as hard as I could in those 9 months but I always felt like I hadn’t done all of the work I was supposed to do, especially in the area where I served when I got sick. I was pulled out of there and I felt like there was unfinished business.
I told her fast-forward 20 years and I was a ward mission leader when a man moved into my ward in Orem. He was born and raised in the area that I served in when I got sick. We were able to baptize him and I felt like god brought to me. I told her that I believe that God doesn’t feel restrained by missions or boundaries. He puts us in the places we need to be. I told her that all throughout our lives people who we are supposed to teach are put in our path. I said, your mission never ends, you just move areas. God will put people there for you to teach.
I told her that it was important for her to realize that God was happy or satisfied with her mission but he had so much more missionary work for her to do. She asked me, how did you know I wasn’t satisfied with my mission? I said, when I look in your eyes, I can tell. The spirit is whispering to me that you feel like you had unfinished business and you were not able to accomplish what you initially thought you were going to be able to do on your mission.
She said, only the spirit could have told you that. I was so excited to go on a mission and receive my call. While I was preparing to leave, I had some health issues and because of that my mission had to be changed to a service mission. I was never able to do the things I wanted to do, teach the people I wanted to teach or be the missionary I thought I was supposed to be.
I said, there is still a lot of time for you to be that missionary. God knows who the people are that are waiting for you and they are not just in the area of the mission you were called to. Even though you didn’t get to go there, he can bring them to you wherever you are if you are ready.
She asked, how do you do that? I said, by saying the words the Lord puts into your heart like I have here in the car today. I said, if you’ll do that, people will recognize the authority you speak with and your testimony will pierce their soul. This is what the people that are waiting for you deserve.
I said, when we leave our mission, we leave the scripture study, we leave the prayers and we leave the testifying spirit. That is why we feel different. That is why it’s harder to be a missionary because we walk away from that level is spiritually. I told her, that’s a choice and you can choose to pray, study and follow the spirit with exactness. If you do that, God will put your people in your path.
I told her that because of Covid, I had lost my job and been put in the car. I shared several experiences with her and testified to her that God puts people in my car to receive the gospel. I told her about several of them and I know that I was still doing the work that God called me to do.
She said, if God puts things in your heart to say, what does he want you to say to me? I told her that he wanted me to tell her that he loved her, even though she didn’t think he did. He wanted me to tell her that he was so grateful for her service on her mission. More than anything, he wanted her to live righteously and be happy. I told her that she felt like her mission was a disappointment both to her and God. I told her that the way people looked at her when she said she had been a service missionary bothered her and she felt like she let her family down. I said to her that all of those negative thoughts were lies. I told her that they were lies placed in her heart by Satan to distract her from the path. I told her that God sees her as a powerful voice and knows that she has a powerful testimony. He wants her to share that but first she has to rekindle it.
I told her that it was important for her to go to church. I told her I felt like she had quit going to church and praying like she should but God wanted her to start again. I told her that God had put her in my car that day for this message.
She said, I felt the spirit here stronger than I have in a very long time. I wish we had more time to talk.
By this time we were at her work and she said, I’d love to sit here and talk but I have to go to work. I said, I’ll pray for you because you feel inadequate for a lot of reasons and God can help you. I said, I feel like we are going to get another chance to chat and finish this conversation.
I don’t know why I said that, who would ever say that! Very seldom do you see the same person twice. Yet there I was prompted by the spirit saying it.
The next week I had almost the exact same experience. I left early, I washed my car and I got a ride to go over and pick up this same young lady. When she got in the car I said, now we get to finish the talk. She smiled and said, I can’t believe it! This is really freaking me out a little bit.
She said, last time I don’t think you got to finish everything you wanted to say. We got to work too fast but it was awesome. I said, do you want me to tell you the rest of what I felt like I was supposed to say? She said, yes! I can’t wait.
I said, it’s all about the atonement. I said, I feel like there are some things that you have done that you’re not proud of. This is one of the reasons why we have the atonement so that you can cleanse yourself and be pure before God. That’s how you make yourself able to receive revelation and know God‘s will.
The other thing is, you feel judged and ridiculed by some members of the church. You don’t think this is fair and you have adopted something of a victim mentality with regard to this. I said, the atonement is also for that. It is how God makes all things right. We look to him and through the atonement he can lift our burdens, mitigate the injustice, minimize pain and lift us out of our fallen state. It’s important that we look to God and access the atonement of Jesus Christ. There is no other way because everyone is persecuted, everyone suffers and everyone feels alone. The only way to stand with power in this life is through the atonement of Jesus Christ and his power.
I feel like you’ve been overwhelmed by the inadequacy you felt on your mission, the things you’ve done since and the things in your life. You have let Satan get the upper hand.
I told her that the important thing for her to remember is that everyone feels this way. Everyone does bad things. Everyone feels inadequate and everyone fights through tribulation.
I told her that everyone at church hears that voice in their head saying that they shouldn’t be there or that they are not worthy or that people are judging them. I said, that’s just flat out Satan and he’s trying to dissuade them from good and bring them down.
I told her that in the Book of Mormon in the valley of Helam, the people were held as slaves and given tremendous burdens to bear. They didn’t even feel their burdens because of the atonement. God lifts us through our adversity if we will let him. I said, that’s the thing I needed to tell you that I didn’t get to say.
You need to realize that the atonement is for repentance but not just for repentance. You need to understand that the atonement is the thing that can lift you through your issues so that you can feel the love of God. You need to feel the love of God so that you can know that the mission you served was everything he wanted it to be. You need to feel the love of God so that you can know that he loves you and he will be there to help you be the person he needs you to be now.
I said, if you will embrace the atonement of Jesus Christ, go to church, read your scriptures and say your prayers, God will put people in your path so that you can bear the testimony you’ve always wanted to bear and be the missionary you always knew that you could be. It’s up to you.
I said, how do you feel right now? She said, I feel just like I did before in your car. I feel the spirit.
I said, what does that mean? She said, it means that the things you’re saying are true. I said, what are you going to do about it then? She said, I guess I need to go to church, read my scripture, say my prayers and learn to have the atonement be a bigger part of my life.
I asked her if she felt the spirit when she said those things and she said yes. I said, go with that, seek it out and walk with it. She said that she was going to be changing her life and getting back to where she knows she should be. She said that she never thought of being a missionary outside of the mission field. I told her that there are people that baptize more people after their mission than they do during their mission. I asked her if she thought she might be able to be one of those. She smiled and said, yes, that would be awesome. I said, if you will be that person, God will bring people to you. He will bring your people to you.
By this time we were arriving at her work again. She got out and she thanked me for the ride both times. She said, two times, it’s been a miracle. I have to say I agree.
As she got out of the car, I looked at her and her countenance had changed. She was starting to see herself the way God sees her. That was the miracle.
Sometimes God sends you a lift 