One night I was coming from Salt Lake and I was looking for a ride. You’re always looking for a ride on your way home from Salt Lake because you don’t want to pay for that gas all by yourself. You would rather have a rider contribute. Usually when I do this, I get to about the Thanksgiving point exit and I turn off my app. When you’re that far down the road, you don’t want to get a ride back to Salt Lake. You also don’t want to turn a ride down because then they penalize you.
Just as I was about to turn it off, I got a ride. It wasn’t perfect. I Decided that it was better than going home alone and paying the gas myself. Plus on top of that, it was a paying ride. So off to Alpine I went.
One of the neat things about driving is that you get to talk to people and find out about their lives. One of the most frustrating things is when somebody gets in your car and they talk to someone on the phone for the whole ride.
When my rider opened the door to get in my car he was on a phone call with a friend. It was an intense phone call. The kind of phone call you feel guilty listening in on. The problem with this is that there is really no way to get away from the personal nature of a phone call like that. You are less than 3 feet away from the person and you hear everything, sometimes on both sides of line. This young man was being ripped apart.
At first, I tried to think about other things and not pay attention to what was going on. I could tell it was a very emotional conversation and there were tears being shed. I thought again about listening in but that’s not me. You kind of feel like you’re invading their personal space! As I was having that thought I received a prompting that I should listen in because maybe I could help. I remember those distinct words coming to my mind and I thought I was supposed to get involved here and make a difference. The problem is that between the pace of the conversation and the subject matter I didn’t know if I could get a word in edgewise before we got to the destination.
I think we have all learned that when you get that prompting you do the thing and you consider that you were put there to be an instrument.
I tuned in. It was a conversation between he and his friend in California. From his conversation with his friend, I kind of picked up the backstory of the situation.
This young man was apparently very important at some level in the music industry. He could’ve been the most famous singer in the world and I wouldn’t know because unless you score touchdowns, I don’t know your name. He and his wife were originally from Utah.
He and his family were living in Los Angeles now. He had a wife and at least two kids. I’m not exactly sure what the true number was but I do know there was more than one because he kept talking about his kids, plural. They had gotten a divorce in the last two years. He talked about how evil his ex-wife is. Apparently, she had an affair with her trainer at the gym. As Luck would have it he was a friend of hers from high school in utah.
Following the discovery of the affair, she had let him know that he was the worst person ever and that she was getting a divorce and moving to Utah. I gleaned that the reason why he was here was to visit his children. He comes up at least a couple of times a month to visit his kids.
That’s the story behind the young man. There was a lot of anger, hurt and frustration in the dirty tricks and character assassination he felt like his children were being programmed with. As he talked about them, I knew that he loved his children and that his heart was broken. He was so very angry about his situation. I looked in the mirror and I could see the hurt and anger on his face.
Finally, he finished the phone call with his friend and sat there in silence. I decided that this was the time to break into his silence. I said, tough night, huh? Choking back tears he said, yeah. I guess you could say that.
I said, I hope you don’t mind but I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation. It sounds like a really difficult situation. He said, you could say that again. Then he said, don’t ever let your wife get on Facebook. Nothing good comes from associating with your high school friends.
When he said this, it kind of completed the picture for me. I could see how there in Los Angeles he was very busy in the music industry and she found a friend from high school that worked at the gym. Next thing you know their marriage was over. I said that to him and asked if that was the scenario and he said, exactly.
He said that he couldn’t believe how vicious she got. He also couldn’t believe how supportive everyone around seemed to be of the unfair, vindictive nature she exhibited. He said, everyone just changed. There is plenty of temptation in my industry but I was always faithful. I did my best but that wasn’t enough for her.
He said, I just left my kids and they were crying and begging me not to go. It ripped me up. He said, when I came out of the room there she was laughing and calling me a loser.
He said, she goes to church and has support from everyone. If they could only see the real her. Then he started to cry. He said, she’s very persuasive. She puts on a great show and she cries on queue.
I said, do you blame the church? He said, yes. I used to go to church all the time but I haven’t been able to go back. He said, I quit going because I felt like there was so much anger towards me from everyone. I don’t know what she told them but whatever it was, it was a lie. It was vicious and people who previously were my friends won’t even look me in the eye.
It’s the same thing she’s doing to my kids and I don’t know how much more of it I can take. I asked him if he had other girlfriends. He said, when we were married I did not but now I do. I asked him if he partied. I know that the parties in Hollywood are pretty intense and they come with lots of expectations.
He said that he didn’t party when he was married and when he was going to church but in the last year since this all happened he had become a pretty notorious partier.
I felt at this point like the whole thing was laid out in front of me and that I understood both by the spirit and the things that he was saying what I needed to say.
I said, I can feel right now that you’re reeling from the pain, the injustice and the aggravation of the situation along with the loss of friends and personal networks. You feel like you were just doused with gasoline and thrown into the fire. You have hate in your heart and you have used drugs and alcohol to soothe that pain. I said, that’s not the way and it only validates what she has said.
I said, the feelings you’re having right now remind me of something that Joseph Smith was told in Liberty Jail. I opened my Doctrine and Covenants app to section 122 and read these three verses to him.
6 If thou art accused with all manner of false accusations; if thine enemies fall upon thee; if they tear thee from the society of thy father and mother and brethren and sisters; and if with a drawn sword thine enemies tear thee from the bosom of thy wife, and of thine offspring, and thine elder son, although but six years of age, shall cling to thy garments, and shall say, My father, my father, why can’t you stay with us? O, my father, what are the men going to do with you? and if then he shall be thrust from thee by the sword, and thou be dragged to prison, and thine enemies prowl around thee like wolves for the blood of the lamb;
7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.
8 The Son of Man hath descendedbelow them all. Art thou greater than he?
I told him, when we are in a bad situation, this is the knowledge that gives us hope and let us know that we will be OK. It’s the atonement of Jesus Christ.
He said, I know I need to repent. I said, the atonement isn’t just for repentance but yes, you need to repent. You need to clean yourself so that you can feel and be directed by the spirit of God more purely and intensely.
I asked him if the things mentioned in those verses spoke to him. He said yes, it sounds like a bad day! I said, that’s just the point and our father is there for us in our bad days if we will turn to him instead of drugs and alcohol.
He mentions that the son of man has descended below it all are you greater than he? I asked, what does that mean? He sat there quiet for a minute and I decided to answer my own question because it wasn’t rhetorical. I said, it means that Jesus suffered all of the pains, infirmities and injustice that we will ever have. If we will turn to him, he will heal our wounds and lift us through.
Right now you feel like you’ve been beaten up a little bit and you’re acting out in response. It’s time to turn to Jesus Christ and let him heal your heart and lift your spirit. It’s time to go back and become the man your father in heaven wants you to be. I said, this is all possible through the gift of the atonement of Jesus Christ and he can bless your life if you will let it.
I said, for you, part of that is that the people at church shunned you. They judged you and they were not good to you. I asked, are you the kind of person that lets other people dictate how you’re going to act? Or are you an independent free thinker who acts decisively in his own interest? He said, I’d like to think that I’m the latter. I said, why then would you let what other people think and say affect your well-being whether it be physically or spiritually ? Why would you let judgment from people at church determine what you’re going to do?
It seems to me that they need to learn a lesson and that lesson might best be learned by you going to church, picking out the worst most judgmental of the bunch and sitting by them. Show them love and watch them squirm and then change.
They know what they’re doing is wrong and confronted by your love, they can change their hearts. When Jesus told us to love people, even those who hate us or despitefully use us, he had your situation in mind. If you reach out and follow Christ in this way, it will change the people around you.
He said, that’s an interesting way of looking at it. I said, you’re not punishing anybody by leaving except yourself. You’re punishing yourself because somebody else committed a sin. That doesn’t sound very smart to me. I have done this and I can tell you it works. People change when they’re confronted with love. He said, I never looked at it as me running away and punishing myself. That’s powerful!
I said, the other thing you need to do is pray. You need to pray to your Heavenly Father and ask for his help. Ask him to let you feel his love. He said, I don’t think I’m worthy to pray. I said, well, that Satan right there. God is your father and he always wants to help you. He always wants to hear from you and he always wants to bless you.
You’re a father. If one of your children needed help but they had done some bad things would you reject them or would you help them out because of your love for them? He said, oh man! When you put it like that, of course I would help them.
I said, your father in heaven is our father. He is a perfect father and he can’t wait to hear from you. He can’t wait to bless you and he can’t wait to help you become a better person so that you don’t commit those sins. He’s there for you all of the time. You just need to reach out. I said, you can never “not be worthy“ to pray. Once you understand your relationship with God, this makes all the sense in the world. You are his son and we know how fathers are.
He said, I will do that. I said, while you’re doing that, you might want to pray for your ex-wife too. He said, why would I do that? I said, because you want God to soften her heart. It sounds to me like a change of heart could be in order there. He laughed and said, I guess you make a good point.
I said, not only should you pray to your father in heaven for your benefit but you should pray with your children. When you are with them, you should kneel and pray with them. I said, if you do, they will feel the spirit. I said, if they feel the spirit when they are with you, they will begin to associate that wonderful feeling with being with you.
The spirit was in the car and he had stopped crying and he was listening intently. I asked him, do you feel the spirit right now? He said, oh wow yes. I said, what does that mean? He answered, that god is here? I said, yes, and it means that the things we are saying are true. God is testifying of the truth of the things we are saying and of his love for you.
How would you like to be able to give the gift of that feeling to your children every time you are with them? He said, that would be amazing. I asked him if he thought they would believe the evil things said about him if this is what they felt when they were with you. He said, it would be harder for sure. I said, one day they will put that all together if you will walk with the spirit and bless their lives with it.
I felt by the spirit to promise him that if he would refuse to speak evil of their mother to them or fight with their mother in front of them plus have the spirit about you, in the end, everything will change. In the end, they will move towards you and you will have the relationship you desire.
I told him about a lady I worked for when I was a student janitor at BYU. I told him how she had divorced her husband because he was not faithful. It was funny how she could not go five minutes without trashing that man. She hated him and anyone that had anything good to say about him. Meanwhile, he had repented and come back into full fellowship in the church. He was active and doing well.
Her problem was that she hated him so badly that she hated the people that let him back in the church. She hated that her children wanted to be with their dad and that hate ruined her relationship with her children and everyone in her life. I said, hate is cancer and it will kill the relationship that it is planted in. I said, don’t be hateful, be full of the spirit and they will come to you. Be that kind of person for your children and it won’t matter what their mom or anyone else says. They will feel that, your love and the spirit of God with you. Eventually God will make things right.
By this time we were in the driveway in front of the house he was staying at. He asked me if I would pray for him. He said, could you help me through the night tonight with a prayer? I said yes! I would love to but I want you to say a prayer too.
I said, I’ll say a prayer and then you say a prayer. He said OK.
As I began to pray, I could feel the love of our father in heaven powerfully enter the car and I’m sure it pierced his heart. I asked our father in heaven to bless him and heal his soul. I asked him to bless his children and protect them. I asked our father to bless him that he could prepare to be the spiritual leader he needed to be for his children.
When I finished the prayer, he was crying again. Clearly, he had felt the spirit like I had. I asked him what he thought about what I said in the prayer. He said that they were the words from God to him.
Then it was his turn to pray. It was almost like he hadn’t prayed in so long that he forgot how and I had to coach him up a little bit. Once he started his prayer, the spirit came in the car again. I knew he felt it and I said, did you realize that when you prayed you felt the same love you felt when I prayed. It testified to you. I said, like I said, your father in heaven loves you and he wants to hear from you. Now take that love and the spirit of God to your children.
He said that he was going to see his kids the next day and that is exactly what he would do. He wanted to pray with them. He said they liked Bible and Book of Mormon stories. He said that he would share some with them as well.
I told him that if he would do that, he would never lose his children. The spirit was strong and he had flowing tears of happiness, hope and possibility. He said, I can do that.
He gave me a huge tip and got out of the car.
Sometimes God sends you a lift 